5 Things I Learned From Getting Disconnected
Just when I was gaining momentum too!
It’s like running at high speed then taking an abrupt stop — no cool down whatsoever. It’s crazy! If anything, it’s a surefire recipe for concussions and whatnot. While activities that lead to concussions are generally frowned upon and discouraged, in my home country, The Philippines, we have a saying that goes: “Nauntog ka sa katotohanan.” Loosely translated, it’s about concussions being a trigger for waking up to a massive reality check. I suppose at the time, this is exactly what I needed.
I was running at top speed with no pit stops to refuel or check my engines. Despite not having my own boss and working from home at my own terms, I was working tirelessly day and night every day on through to the weekend. I’ve had burn out after burn out only to shake it off by piling up more work on my plate than I actually needed. I was frying my brains out all so that I could pull-off a virtual summit event production at the quality and extent that I envisioned. I was being a Prima Donna. Just when I was about to make the announcement about the project I was so excited about, I got completely disconnected — no internet connectivity, laptop overheating, mobile data unavailable. That was when I learned that…
1. Breaks are part of the process.
Just because I had certain theatrics in mind and all these incredible ideas, it doesn’t mean that I’m not entitled to getting some rest in between. If I was really thinking large-scale, then all the more that it should have been a requirement for me to rest and let my head (and my equipment) take a day off or two.
After all, energy will always be exhaustible. It’s a finite resource that I ought to use more responsibly.
2. It’s important to not be too hard on yourself.
If I was so careful to manage my expectations of other people, I should also be wary of becoming too hard on myself. I realised that I was hell-bent on achieving a certain standard that I’ve already known myself to be capable of under different circumstances. However, I did not take into consideration how much weight I was putting on my own shoulders. I was too attached to my previous work which I rendered in more advantageous circumstances. I felt like I couldn’t and shouldn’t go any lower than that, because I felt the need to always make it a point to level up in life. However, I had certain trump cards that made it all possible then. At this point in time, these were not readily available to me.
I failed to remember that all projects, after all, are really a joint effort between the people telling the story and those who take the time to listen. It takes time for that dynamic to warm up and become ripe. Warm ups, or slow and steady pacing at the beginning, are just as crucial as the cool down.
3. Starting over can be frustrating too.
Most people are eager to have a fresh start, a blank slate, or a clean canvas. While it’s great to be given the opportunity to paint a new picture without worrying about the creases or unwanted marks I’ve made in the past, sometimes having to revert back or tone down the level I’m already accustomed to can get rather uncomfortable. The pressure can get taxing when people undermine you or underestimate you for lowering your standards even though you know that you’ve already accomplished far greater feats.
This reminded me of how emotions are signals that our brain sends out for us to better understand ourselves. Consider it as data that we can learn from. I learned that my frustration was telling me that the expectations that I set for myself were too high. It exhausted too much of my energy at a level that was toxic or unhealthy for me.
4. Vulnerability is powerful.
The day right before my metaphorical concussion, I shared how I was feeling overwhelmed and overworked. It was a moment of heightened stress, pressure, and frustration for me. I was hesitant to share this with my network of friends and family. I was afraid of hearing my negative thoughts reflected back at me. I was scared that people might think that I’m weak or that I didn’t have it in me after all. I was worried about being judged for even sharing such a thing and being labeled as “overly dramatic”.
I did, however, end it with a hopeful thought and a reminder that despite not receiving the support that we long for all the time, good friends will always come from the most unexpected places. My conclusion — albeit more a hopeful statement than one I felt was true at the time, was that there will always be someone who would be willing to cross oceans and help you out in a time of need. Just like what I was striving so hard to do for people who didn’t even know it yet, someone out there might be trying their best to do the same for me. I just probably didn’t realise it yet.
Instead of experiencing all those things I was afraid might happen, I was overcome with a surplus of friends and people who wanted to share a piece of that journey with me. I’ve had friends messaging me out of the blue to tell me that they’ve been seeing all this work I’ve been putting in lately and that it has been a source of inspiration for them. I’ve had people reaching out and basically pulling an Albus Dumbledore telling me that “help will always be given, all I needed to do was ask”. [Rowling, J., and Mary GrandPré. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2). Reprint, Scholastic Paperbacks, 2000.]
I realised that vulnerability is strength. It brings people together. It makes us all the more connected despite the physical disconnections from time to time.
This brings me to my last point being that:
5. Time is relevant. It is not set in stone.
I felt like I’ve been chasing after time that always seemed to keep slipping out of my grasp. I put on too much pressure on myself to meet certain deadlines just so that I could pull through on my commitments. I forgot that time does not walk, it runs.
The more I tried to chase it, the more elusive it became. It was a tireless and needless pursuit. After all, plans are always subject to change, because we can never really have everything figured out. At the end of the day, we are human. Despite preparing for all possible outcomes and having contingencies set up, we cannot predict the future. Hence, why do we apply so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves?
As much as there is time for business, there must be time to stop and smell the roses. [The Walter Hagen Story. By the Haig, Himself. Second edition., Simon and Schuster, 1956.]
